How I Saw The Sun Again

Ricorditi,lettor, se mai ne l'alpe
ti colse nebbia per la qaul vdessi
non altrimenti che per pelle talpe,

come, quando i vapori umidi e spessi
a diradar cominciansi, la sepra
del sol debilemente entra per essi;

e fia la tua imagine leggera
in giugnere a veder com' io rividi
lo sole in pria, che gia nel corcar era.

Si, pareggiando i miei co' passi fidi
del mio mestro, usci' fuor di tal nube
ai raggi morti gia ne' bassi lidi.

Good Place For S#x

Six Pack - you pervert !!!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAA Idiots!

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What?

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Jacek Yerka

Want to see some more you do. Here you will click.

Alibi Networks

Are you finding it difficult maintaining your shadyness?

Is your shadyness taking valuable time out of your daily schedule?

Well Alibi Networks is the answer for you!

Nancy Pelosi To Save The Day?

Nancy Pelosi says Lobbyists can go f*ck themselves while we investigate Bush for impeachment. Can it be true? Is it possible - a congressperson actually giving up their free lunch? The implications are much more far than just congress getting clean - can you hear the uber rich squirming in their seats already?

Will it happen? Will the great titans of capitalism and imperialistic driven industry lose their grips on the warmongering machine called America? Yeah right. After all, who wants to give up their lap of luxury here in America - where the dream of "fuck you gimme" comes true.

Drunken Art Part 1

I lost the other 4 of this series - or they got thrown away. This is a series about dreaming (the second was influenced by Basquiat). I made them when I was drunk one night which brings me to the next collection of art I would like to start, a collection of works that were made under the influence of different substances - for some reason knowing that someone was drunk when they made something changes the form of the art but it shouldn't. So if you have anything you've made while drunk or something send me a shout.

Crazy People Always Stay Crazy

It's like it's 1999 all over again! Some may have questioned if everyone in this picture would still be alive today for various reasons (well maybe not Charles) - yes we are thank you very much f*ckers - if you've heard the stories don't believe them. You may not be able to tell but that is Austin Cash on the far right - whoever took this picture was a F*cktard. Anyway, happy 120th biatches!

A.E.K.D.B

String Art Sucks

I've been digging through old stuff I've made/painted/drawn/written lately while helping my parents get their house ready to sell and I've found a bunch of crap. It is always interesting finding things from younger years that make make me feel like a completely creative failure in my older years. This string art thing has been sitting in my living room for this past year when I yoinked it back from my parents house - it always reminds me of 8th grade.

I haven't found them yet but there are a bunch of paintings I made when I was 3 and 4 which should be entertaining at least, and I will post them up here when I do. I want to make a collection of peoples early childhood creativity - there is something in youthful art which seems more real in it's reflection of the world - or at least how we see conceive it. Blah blah. . .blah blah de blah blah. So if you have some send me a shout - I would like to collect enough to publish it as a series.

1 week of art works

Feeling creative? I really can't think of anything that speaks to the temporal and transformative nature of art more than this video. Enjoy!

Grand Theft Mario

The Heirophant's Proselytizer Questionnaire

So you're watching the Colbert Report when your door bell rings sounding out the arrival of the brand new digital projector you bought from Woot. You clamber over your coffee table in a fit of existential glee knowing that soon you're entire existence will be lit by 160 watt 1000 lumen bulb of ecstasy broadcasting the Simpsons in life size realism across your living room wall. You throw the door open standing there in your underwear with a silly grin on your face when you realize there is something odd about the UPS delivery man and the friend he brought. You begin to ask him where your god damn projector but before you can open your mouth you are berated with religious banter as the two strangers begin to proselytize you with their Christian faith. Usually you would be left there groggy, confused, and irritated trying to figure out how to get rid of them, however this time you are prepared with your handy Heirophant's proselytizer questionnaire!

You calmly explain to your proselyte that you will consider converting if they can satisfactorily answer a few fun and easy questions such as:

0. Explain why your god's only son had to die so we can go to magic happy land when we croak.
1. Did everyone who died before Jesus go to Hell? Justify your answer.
2. If a Catholic, justify the Inquisition and other persecutions of "heretics" throughout the centuries, concentrating on why the Pelagianists, the Priscillianists, and the Manichaeans were persecuted; if a Protestant, justify the witch trials and the way that Protestants constantly hunted down native Americans until there were so few that the government could simply take their land; if a member of an Eastern Orthodox church, justify the persecutions of the Old Believers after the reforms of the seventeenth century.
3. etc. etc. with some 145 more great questions to follow.
   

: )

The following quote is from Alan Minter, an English born boxer who at one point in his career held the world title in the middleweight devision. He retired with some 39 wins of which 23 were by knock out! Not someone you would like to find yourself engaged in a bar fight with.

Mr. Minter was thought to be a carefree nihilist, beating his way through life with his own two fists and not caring who got in the way; as the following quote was thought to represent (how many nihilists fight anyway?). However, it was his odd combination of wisdom and dark humor that was often mistaken for a nihilistic approach to life. As anyone can plainly see by the following quote Alan had one of the most sophisticated and completely unassuming senses of humor of his time.

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."

-- ALAN MINTER, BOXER

Graphs Are Just Great

*

POP!

* Angus Maddison’s historical statistics on the world economy, at the time of initial research (February 2005) were available via http://www.eco.rug.nl/~Maddison/, as this is no longer available you can find some of the raw data at: http://www.theworldeconomy.org/publications/worldeconomy/

Built To Spill The Beens

Built To Spill plays surprising well live considering their sound depends so heavily on overtones and subtle melodies. They have added another guitar player increasing the in-harmony of their already somewhat noisy sound. In case you aren't familiar with the Built To Spill sound just imagine indie music that makes you want to drink a bottle of whisky while driving your car around trying to figure out why that person you like so much keeps screwing all your friends (look, I'm sorry - it's just that your friends are so much more fun).

Anyway, they played to a rather large and stoned crowd of extremely docile look-a-likes. While they didn't get highly animated on stage or break any instraments in fit of tranquility they did manage to simultaneously spontaneously combust! It's a good thing everyone was too stoned watching the images on the screen to realize what was going on onstage otherwise I might not have been able to capture the event on camera.

Neighbors Are Awesome

Coming home the other night, to much my surprise, I found that my neighbors had replaced their broken Porsche 944 with an even more reliable form of transportation, a dinning set. Apparently they now drive a table and 5 chairs.

I tried to hunt them down and ask them how the new table and chairs handle but they were out joyriding around on their other seats, the recliner set.

Well, at least I now have a place to eat if I don't feel like carrying my food all the way up to my apartment next time.

Sepak Takraw

The only thing that could possibly make sepak takraw more completely awesome would be adding a rule requiring the execution of the losing three players by electric eel.

Wait, you don't know what sepak takraw is?!?!? Only the most kick ass Malaysian sport ever invented! It basically is better than all sports combined - in fact it could be said that it basically wins sports, with the possible exception of Apocalypse Dishwashing and Downhill Vacuuming.

Austin Texas: Stinking Hellhole of Sin

You might think that this lady is just some religious zealot preaching anti-intellectualism as a platform for righteousness. However, this assumption is completely untrue. She actually holds a degree in linguistics from Harvard, an MBA from Stanford and owns and operates several highly successful reality and property development companies throughout Texas, California, Louisiana, and New York. That’s correct she isn’t a religious zealot at all, but actually a land developing and reality flipping mogul.

She has been going from church to church convincing people that Austin is a despot of sin and which they should move out of as quickly as possible as a show of thier undying faith. Her various development companies then offers to buy the sinful property at a reasonable price - that is, considering the "sinfulness" of the reality significantly devalues the property’s value. She then turns this property around (for a handsome profit) selling it to intellectualists, gay and unmarried couples and anyone with questionable ethical and moral values within the perspective of the church. Thus, adding “sinful” populous to the already “stinking hell hole of sin” which Austin has become, boosting her conviction along her campaign to convice the paranoid religious population that they should move away from thier home town as quickly as humanly possible (and sell her their house cheap).

It is unknown exactly how much money her various companies pull in as she operates them behind various LLPs, LLCs, and REITs. However, the combined income of her various companies is estimated to be somewhere in the billions. Donald Trump has threatened to expose her nefarious plot, however is reluctant to place himself within the sights of such a brilliant and calculating mastermind.

All Things Come Back II

How to fuck up a perfectly ugly painting . . . part II.

Number Five Is ALIVE!

Our new war mongering is more than meets the eye.

Defense/warmachinerist contractors are having a feild day with the new war/s on terror and are probably giggling like little school girls about the recent developments in North Korea. I'm sure Foster-Miller is pretty happy with the $257 mil IDIQ (indefinite delivery/indefinite quantitly) contract they have recieved for thier RC combatbot "TALON" which is being deployed directly.

Ok so I may be jumping the gun being worried about having killer robots on the loose after all these were designed for EOD, reconnaissance, communication, testing, security, defence and resue missions - Wait who cares about this crap! Why don't we just make a bomb the shape of the earth - cut a hole out the shape of the US and finish what we've wanting to do from the start?

Luck?

Here is a quick short about one lucky guy - or is he?

All things come back

This is the 3rd painting on this canvas. It's a painting of a giraffe!

Mac Attack

This guy is so desperate to have a Mac he made one online . It seems to be a fairly succesfull endeavor considering he has raised a little over $800 to date. Now all you have to do if you want something is ask enough people to give you money for it.

UMLAUF

Quit messing around with your mash potatoes, trying to make miniature replicas of your favorite sculpture and get in your vehicle, drive down Barton Springs, turn left at that stop light next to the bridge (You know where it is) and go to the UMLAUF sculpture garden .

Who, what? . . . you know the Umlauf sculpture garden created by Charles Umlauf - a one time prof at UT (40 years of teaching that is) , has dedicated his backyard to the arts and hosts some amazing shows on the sideline at the museum. The museum is currently celebrating its 15th year anniversary hosting the works of Hank Waddell of ATX and I highly recomend the high before the show, but you really don't need it considering the place.

Early Trey Parker and Matt Stone Vid

Looks like they were hired to make a training video for Universal Pictures . . . a training video for a company that makes videos; not too bad.

Link

F#ck TV

I hate T.V. but if I had to watch it I guess I would watch Current T.V. Something called Vangaurd Journalism is sok (so+ok not so ok).

Lostcauselessnesses DNA Chart

Artlessness Crime

It seems the cops have nabbed Gimix and Zenac along with a couple of their teenage friends. Turns out these artists errm "criminals"* have racketed up "$76,000"* dollars worth of "damage"* around Austin. Let's just hope they get some paying work from all their soon to be found fame to help them pay off all the fines they are going to be berated with, that is if they aren't put in Juvi on felony charges. If these "criminals" happened to be in the same high school and happened to take art class and I happened to teach that art class I'd probably punch them in the canvas for slacking . . . they have time to f#cking tag half of Austin but not enough to finish their study in three dimensional shading, f#cking slackers !!!!

* I'm too lazy to reference this quote.

I Drink To Fit In

Here is a comercial for all you shyberts out there.

How To Fold Shirts

So . . . I've been folding my shirts this way and no one can stop me. LINK

Junk On The Wall

Hahaaaa, finally I have a half decent digital camera; now I just have to figure out how to use it - stupid flash. But, what to take a picture of is the real question . . . hmmm how about junk on walls? This piece is titled Warsurism.

Ahem - nough said

Best Worse Case Scenario

Looks like some Canadian troops found what they were looking for, an "impenetrable forests of marijuana plants."(Reuters) It looks like growing a giant forest of weed is actually a decent military defence strategy.

Mr. Baggins and his son make a house

Here are the only plans and design schemes to build you're very own hobbitate. That's right Bilbo and his son built this little home for just a little over $3,000 silver dollars, and now you can too since they have provided the blueprints on thier website.

Mmmm sex toys to clean everything with

I know, I know, you're asking yourself 'why didn't I think of this?' yeah well don't beat yourself up over it, it's not everyday a piece on ingeniousness comes along like this. So now that you're over feeling bad that you didn't come up with this idea you're probably wondering who did; some sex crazed house wife right? Wrong! It was Ian Haig, and you can find out more about this mad genius HERE.

Comicalessness

Yeah I know, where's the punch line? Well I lost the last slide - I'll make it again later. In the meantime I started a new series:

North Korea - You're My Hero

With so much going on in the world it can be difficult keeping up with everything that is going on and why it is going on. After all, we US citizens really only get one point of view in our news, ours. So here a little of some perspective you probably won't see in the news about what exactly is going on in North Korea and how why they think we are imperialistic scum:

What's Left: North Korea: A Continuing Struggle against Imperialism

Yeah some of the stuff is so far left it started being right again.

Get Your Omelet On

Ok, so this obviously isn't complete but that's beside the point (I'll finish the other frames and put them in order). The point is I have found yet another great way to waste 4.8 min on the internet, that's right I made this on the i n t e r n e t. Anyway, you too can make your very own comic strip (three frames max) while piddling away the time at that job you hate, just go to www.stripcreator.com register as your favorite alternate comic strip writting personality and off you go. The characters you can use are mostly limited to a couple versions of previously existing characters from existing comic strips, and most of the scenes look like a toddler made them on MS Paint, but hey it really doesn't get any easier, besides it's better than working at your job right.

The Melvins paper dolls !!!

This comes from a 1987 7" that Melvins recorded on Leopard Geck-O records that had two songs on it or one song was actually two or something: Revulsion-We Reach, and Oven. Need to fck off at work then go to thier website and see how far you can make it in: The Melvins, keep refreshing the page.

Sticker Sunday says, KIIIEEEEEEAAAAYY!!!

Subscriptionalist

Here is my list of things to buy that will keep both your coffee table and toilet tank lid from floating away and possibly disrupting the normally undisturbed meandering of your ceiling fan.

McSweeney's : Short stories about stuff and things that really didn't happen.

Science News : Yeah yeah, gimee that quick science fix . . . ahhhhh yeeeeaaaah man thats the stuff!

Scientific America : Wait didn't I read about this article in Science News 4 months ago - well at least now they explain what the hell it was about.

Colors : This should be required reading for all politicidiots, wait that's me - oohhh look pretty pictures!

Foreign Affairs : I don't think issues of this publication are allowed in either house of the senate, was it that or was it that the senate was trying to pass a bill not to allow this into the US, I can't remember.

Daedalus : About this guy who had this stupid son who like fell to his death or something - no really this stuff is way over my head I just put it here to make myself look smarter.

Juxtapoz: Ok so, it's alright I guess, if it just wasn't so damn cool then it might be pretty hip - wait I think I got that backwards.

More to come when my head thingy starts working again.

Just for Thomas

Me: Hey what are you up to tomorrow?

Me 2: Going to see Mastodon at Emo’s.

Me: Ahh badass, Mastodon! What’s the cover?

Me 2: Fuck the cover it’s Mastodon!

Me: Yeah you’re right. Hey, we should send an email to Tomas asking him if he wants to go – doh he’s in Korea.

Me 2: HEHEHHEH let’s do it anyway

Me: HEHEHHEH,

(Pause)

Hey, but that Tom Waits: Big Time movie is playing at the Alamo tomorrow night.

Me 2: Who?

Me: Tom Waits.

Me 2: It’s a fucking movie you twit you can see that anytime, besides do you really want to be surrounded by a bunch of those depressive types who think Tom Waits is some sub-culture hero?

Me: Yeah fuck those guys, lets go to Mastodon.

Me 2: Good that’s better; hey, did you remember to set a hair appointment tomorrow?

Me: Do we really need to get a haircut?

Me 2: Yeah you fucking hippie wana-be – you look like a big ugly dumbass with that half long hair.

Me: Hey do you think it’s a problem that we talk to each other?

Me 2: Only when you whine about stuff.

Me: Do you always have to talk to me like that?

Me 2: Yeah you it’s the only way to make you listen to reason, you whiney bitch.

It's Sticker Sunday

Part 7 Of A 5 Part Day

Continued from Part 6:

From the other room, perhaps an entire house away, her voice dissected his momentary cat like happiness.

“What do you think about painting the bedroom walls midmorning blue?”

He had no time for colors nor conversation but he knew he would have to reply at some time, a sound, a grunt, a yes-no, a post card, a go-stab-yourself-in-the-eye-with-a-blue-prismacolor, but he remained quite, hoping that with enough time the voice would disappear and resurrect his silent weightlessness from its all too human grave.

After a few dense moments passed, he drifted over to the freezer and took a long pull of sleep greaser, his favorite suppressive spirit. He let the warmth flow throw through his nose and around his neck along his spine and into his ears. A string of words flew from his mouth but he wasn’t sure if he had said them or someone who sounded a lot like him had screamed them from behind the refrigerator while he had mouthed the words. Soon, he heard some soft crying, a series of shufflings, and doors being molested open and closed.

He took a deep breath held it while he poured a large quantity of his favorite heart warming elixir and quickly encumbered the lot, but he didn’t feel any closer to anything or anyone, nor did he feel any happier about being so close to the root of all his illusioned displeasures. He drank in his solitude and slowly lied down face first onto the cool linoleum kitchen floor as the sound of a car slowly driving out of the driveway filled his stomach with a type of unrest unknown to him forthright, at which point he somberly passed into sleep.

Part 6 Of A 5 Part Day

Broken debauchery taking it’s toll holds no bounds on the weathered soul of any foot it walks upon, however he never believed this would drench his ever incomplete insight into that other-worldly light so foreign to his usually strong willed disposition-hunger. What was he seeing now? Was it a heated blue or green? He checked to make sure he was not wearing glasses then looked around the room again. Greyscale colors perhaps, or perhaps a very green brown, maybe a b flat with overtones of c sharp, he couldn’t be sure, he checked one more time, this time in the mirror, but he wasn’t wearing glasses.

After a few moments of rubbing his ungraceful eyes he walked over to his breakfast denying clutter of a kitchen table and drew up his ear phones out of a landscape of empty bottles, partly smoked ephemera, and half full bags of mold, in order to carefully examine them further. Once satisfied that they were indeed headphones he in a highly meticulous fashion placed them on his head one ear at a time, and listened intently into the headphones only to realize to his surprise there indeed was no sound coming from them. He had distinctly remembered there being sound in them at one point but he couldn’t be sure when or even more importantly why. After a moment of awkward attempts of backwards remembering he walked over to the toaster and spent a desperate eternity of 15 minutes and 34 seconds trying to find the headphone jack on the toaster. He wanted to listen to what a toaster sounded like while it made toast. He was about to feign ignorance at the toaster and find another appliance when:

To Be Continued . . .

Lucky Decides Happiness

Lucky once told me:

"It has entertained me here and there to think of happiness and sadness or rather any feelings whatsoever to be made from personal decision and not from the circumstances surrounding them. So what to make of this, that we truly aren’t feeling tired when we have come to the end of a long day’s road, or that we aren’t really unhappy when all our worldly woes where down upon us? No I mean to say that we are no more tired or spry after any given labor just as we are no more happy than unhappy about any given woe. One can travel to the end of a long labor never feeling the wear whatsoever and collapse there and rise again to do it all again to never have felt tired at all. Just like one can take as much worldly agony day in day out and not feel the least bit woe-some either way. What I mean is that a person can become used to amazing things/tediums and not feel a bit changed just as a lobster may go from tepid water slowly into a rolling boil without the least protest. Yes it is arguable either way however I can prove the rather vs. the or, but unfortunately I’m rather tired and I'm feeling a bit dejected so I think I’ll save all the better for later; after all we'll all be different people then"

So that's how Americans get so fat, I thought. They eat a little bit and get a little fat, then after time as the fat starts getting fatter they don't notice because it happens so slowely like as within a month eating McyDees. Mmmmm now I'm hungry.

Music to Make Poo To

I found a really good, free, sheet music writer called Finale NotePade and now I’m thinking of composing what cigaring a smokerette sounds like. Above is a small part of a didi that I wrote; I'll post the rest when I finish writting it out. At the moment I'm having difficulty with the program; the #f is supposed to be sustained through the third measure into the 4th not keyed again. The entire thing is played utilizing the sustain, damper, and sostenuto pedals but writing these out have been practically impossible - seems I would have to rewrite the piece in a really fckd up time signature or learn how to use the program, hehe.

Me so drunkk don't no matter no more - I go make poo now.

All Hell Yes ! ! !

So, do I have to say it . . . ahh . . . ok, fine I'll say it: this has got to be the coolest ride ever, way cooler than my current transportation - I'm punching myself in the face right now. Seriously, I'm thinking of selling my car and buying a fleet of these and starting a new sport of drunken racing.

So, you're probably wondering if this is the real deal - follow the link from the picture and wonder no more my friend. That's right, for a just under $500 you too can own one of these fine peices of american craftsmanship made in China; come on you know you want one.

So what does this have to say about our culture I have no idea, but to me it represents everything that is good and holy with American Laziness, and I want to be a part of it.

Too Drunk To Fuck

Waking up to a headache like a rhinoceros tap dancing on my head a Dead Kennedys song came to mind which I thought I had heard NOFX cover called Too Drunk To Fuck but I can’t seem to find it. Why did this come to mind well . . . because I was too drunk to fuck last night which is probably the only thing worse than having run away diarrhea during a tennis match while your significant others grand parents cheer your name from the stands.

Back to NOFX, besides providing moral support to drunkards, they stand as a beacon of rebellion against the fat cats at the RIAA, as they put it “Are we a member? Not only no, but FUCK NO!" In saying this they were referencing the independent label Fat Mike and Erin put out under the name Fat Wreck Chords, which is probably the best collection of talented groups on a single label out there.

So here are the two things I have to say today:

1. Don’t drink yourself unfuckable
2. Check out Fat Wreck Chords and support independent labels that say Fuck the RIAA
3. Oh and don't forget to pay your rent tomorrow like I'm going to.

You Know . . . FLCL

A few years ago, say around 2002 Adult Swim, the Ubiquitous American anime propagator, hosted all 6 episodes of FLCL one of the best known works by the GAINEX studio in America. Why is this so special - well watch it and tell me, but don't start with the first episode start at number 4 or 5 - it doesn't matter - in fact in this particular piece the more the contiguous plot is fractured the more the individual sub-plots shine.

GAINAX was started/put together by a 24 year old animation artist who brought along several of his fellow college buddies and they promptly produced The Wings of Honneamise - The Royal Space Force which any self respecting artist will recognize as a feat of shear talent/genius if not just a really good movie.

Don't take my word for it, Elvis says: Whell uhh FLCL is just the greatest, the top. In fact I have sex with FLCL every time just before I go on stage.

Redneck Nietzsche

Ooops, we killed god or someone who looked an awful lot like him.

Ron English. strikes again.